Contemplation before the Journey’s Beginning

Wednesday 24 August 2011

Blog Entry I

In exactly a week I will be closing up my room at home and boarding a plane to Edinburgh, Scotland for a year to study. Though I have been looking forward to this moment for two years I am not brimming with excitement but instead slumming in confusion. I am not confused regarding my decision to attend the University of Edinburgh but rather about how I feel towards people that I am leaving behind. This last year at my home institution was full of new experiences and crazy relationships, a few of which are still wide open with an unknown conclusion. My biggest fear associated with leaving for Edinburgh is leaving unanswered questions and broken relationships that may become unfixable while I am away. Often at the end of every college year I break off every relationship I have with anyone at college so that I can begin fresh the next year, this is a custom I have become rather skilled at, but this year I wasn’t so successful because for some reason I have not been able to release those people from my thoughts as easily as I have in the past. So with my approaching departure I am still racked with self-created questions regarding how I feel about these people and fear that I will lose them while I am gone. This whole dilemma has delayed my excitement towards leaving and troubled my thoughts regarding friendships that I will create in Edinburgh because doubtless when the date for my return is approaching I will fear the same end to those relationships that I fear for these ones. Yet as the month of August draws to a close and all those I know are now back in school I am beginning to release a breath that I have been holding since my acceptance, they have started their new year and still remembered me and I will do the same. Though I will miss these individuals terribly I will do all I can to remain in contact with them and continue to build a relationship with them so that when I return things will not be broken. With that realization the excitement for my departure grows along with the full force of how amazing this opportunity will be and the anticipation for a new adventure. I cannot wait to return to my packing and most of all I can hardly wait to leave and experience the dream that took two years to become a reality.